I am a certified Birth Boot Camp instructor, teaching childbirth education classes in Texas. Please look around my blog and contact me with any questions. You can also find me on Facebook.
Our mission: Birth Boot Camp is committed to training couples in natural birth and breastfeeding through accessible, contemporary education. Birth Boot Camp is for couples, moms AND dads. You’ll learn to work together to bring your baby into this world as a team.
A couple weeks ago during one of my classes, a colleague of mine came as a guest speaker to talk about the function of doulas in labor and birth. It got me to thinking about my own pregnancy and my husband’s response as one that may be fairly typical – and thus worth addressing. Many of the points she brought out were too good to be left alone and so I have included them within my ponderings.
There is a lot of information out there expounding on the virtues of doulas. A decent awareness of how important a function they serve to a laboring mother has been raised and is continuing to gain more attention all the time. What I want to concentrate on in this particular post is why doulas are important to DADS.
Statistically speaking, births where a doula is present are generally shorter, less complicated, and many mom’s report, less painful.
This is all well and good I think when considering birth in general terms. No dad wants his partner to be in more pain and for longer than she has to be. I have found, however, that in many cases, Dad’s enthusiasm for doulas may wane in view of their price point. Rates for doulas can vary drastically. Some may charge nothing or only the cost of their expenses. (Usually these are working on their certification) The tradeoff is perhaps a lack of experience. Others may charge very little, $100-$200 while still others may tip the balance of $750. Most doulas settle somewhere in the midrange of a couple hundred dollars.
In today’s society, with health costs rocketing ever higher, having a baby can get quite expensive – especially if mom is planning to stay home with the kids. The financial stresses placed on the father as a sole income provider can be severe. At this point many dads feel that while a doula would be nice…ultimately doulas may be a luxury and therefore an extra expense that bears considerable scrutiny before diving right in.
It is not my intention to beat up on Dads for perhaps having this mindset. After all, yes, moms CAN have babies without a doula present. My real purpose is to highlight why doulas are important to Dads in particular and why they also have a personal stake in determining a doula’s value.
REASON #1: Doulas Are Personal Birth Encyclopedias
Here’s option A, B, & C Let me explain them…
This is especially fortunate for those couples who have not taken childbirth classes or where mom took a class but Dad did not. During labor and birth questions and concerns may arise, especially for first-time parents. Depending on the couple’s birth location and care provider, staff may not have the time (or frankly the inclination in some cases) to sit down and fully explain exactly what is happening, why is happening, and what (if anything) needs to be done. This is where doulas come in handy for Dads as they are able to explain and translate the medical and technical jargon. They are also versed in offering different alternatives to choose from when considering options for any given situation. i.e. labor is stalling out. Instead of going straight for the Pitocin a doula may offer some suggestions to try first such as changing positions, getting upright, walking, calling a chiropractor, etc.…
This sort of knowledge and experience can be tremendously helpful for Dad as labor wears on and mom makes the trip to “labor-land.” As is common, mom withdraws into herself, concentrating on what she must do. Dad becomes mom’s advocate and possibly defaults into making some decisions for her and the baby. How much of an advantage would it be to have the knowledge and resources on hand from an objective party whose SOLE interest is the well-being and healthy outcome of the birth? Doulas do not work for the hospital, the birth center, the nursing staff, the grandparents or extended family. They work for YOU! They work for Mom and Dad. They are thus enabled to provide options and alternatives as an unbiased party.
Even if the couple HAS taken childbirth education classes, it is sometimes easy to forget things you’ve learned in the heat of the moment. Having a doula there to remind both mom and dad of the choices available or just offer general encouragement to help keep both parties emotionally and mentally grounded.
REASON # 2: Doulas Call Time-outs
Calling a Time-outSome couples may consider hiring a doula because they are unsure of themselves in the face of medical opposition and feel like having a doula is kind of like hiring their own personal referee. And while it’s true that a doula can be useful in helping mom and dad express their wishes, she is not a gladiator. She does not fight your battles for you. She is not your voice. She does remind you that you HAVE a voice.
Many Dads may be intimidated by the fact that they are their partner’s advocate; some prefer to entrust any responsibility for their partner’s care to the medical “birth professionals.” I don’t believe this is done out of indifference but rather out of fear that some preference they should push for or decision they should make could somehow end up harming mom or baby. (Much of this fear can be taken away though education, which is why it is so important for dad to attend classes with mom.) This attitude doesn’t just occur in hospitals but in every location from hospital to homebirth.
It is at this proverbial ‘fork in the road’ type decision where Dad has that ‘deer in the headlights’ expression that a doula may pipe up with a simple, “Can we have a few minutes to talk this over privately?” It’s a simple sentence but the effect can be profound. Even just a quick timeout where everyone takes a breath and a step back can give a couple a chance to regroup and decide for themselves what their voice will sound like.
This also applies to the over defensive Dad that just isn’t seeing eye-to-eye with a provider. Having someone there to call a timeout may help Dad to regroup and possibly come up with a better way to communicate his partner’s needs and wishes in a manner that will be more likely to see them filled.
REASON #3: Doulas Share The Heavy Lifting
Labor Support is PhysicalFor those Dads who have never participated in a birth before- labor support can be a very intensive manual labor job. Depending on how long mom labors, DAD may need a chiropractor before all is said and done! With the possibility of hours of continuing contractions in which Dad (the wonderful, sensitive guy that he is ) may bear mom’s weight partially or wholly, applies hip squeezes and counter pressure…or the myriads of other physically taxing comfort measures that are so helpful, (and much appreciated) having a partner to share the physical burden can make the difference between a tired but still functioning dad, and a stressed out, exhausted, and overwhelmed Dad. Remember, the attitude and energy in the room affects how mom labors as well.
Even if Dad does no must of the physical labor support, having someone there to tap him out so he can run to the bathroom or get a quick bite to eat, or even just a small break to gather his energies can be extremely helpful. After all, it’s not like mom can hit pause on the contractions so Dad can take a pee break or because his arms are sore and cramping up.
REASON #4: Doulas Shine UP Dad’s White Knight Armor
Dad's Shining Bright!
I think it’s safe to say that pretty much every man wants to be a hero in his partner’s eyes. One of the great things about this period of time between partners is that it is an opportunity for Dad to shine in his capacity as protector and care-giver. And doulas can provide that extra spit to make Dad shine like Prince Charming.
The thing is, in 20 years a woman may or may not remember the name of her doula. She will ALWAYS remember her partner’s attitude and actions at birth. Therefore it is not the doulas place to horn in and replace Dad as mom’s anchor but rather to help in whatever capacity she can to enable DAD to be mom’s rock and anchor.
For example, she might suggest quietly a comfort measure that Dad could do – maybe mom needs a cool rag on her forehead. Of course a doula could just do it herself but by enabling Dad she has enabled the one person with whom mom has the strongest, most personal connection, to show how much he loves and cares for her by being her comforter.
As much as a mom my like her doula, ultimately it will be the tender touches and enduring constancy of DAD’S support that will mean the most to mom. And that is as it should be.
So for the Dads that want to help, want to be there for their partners, and just aren’t quite sure how to go about it, having a doula to be your trusty squire will make being the White Knight an easier and more assured role.
So when considering a doula, Dads, consider your personal stake in her and get involved! They aren’t just a luxury or an extra expense. They are an asset to YOU! Go with your partners to meet and interview them –you will be working with them quite closely so it would be a good thing to have a hand in the selection process.
After all, every White Knight needs a trusty squire in a fairy-tale ending!
Fairy Tale Ending!
Raw Milk vs Pasteurized
In the last couple weeks I have discovered a new phenomenon. (just kidding – apparently it’s been around and I’m only just now hopping on the bandwagon) It’s called RAW MILK! That’s right, actual milk…from a cow… that hasn’t been enhanced, altered, separated, watered down, heated or otherwise changed from its natural state. Obviously I didn’t just pick this up at a supermarket. I didn’t even know that raw milk – milk that has not been pasteurized (heated), was available or that it is a growing demand. I normally hate milk; I have always hated it unless it was connected somehow to chocolate or covered my cereal. I did give this a try though and you know what……it was delicious!!!! Like night and day!
The question that I know must be on your minds is of course, “Is it safe?”
The answer to this is, “It depends.”
The point of conflict is this. Pasteurization is a process of heating the milk to kill off unwanted/harmful bacteria that may be contaminating the milk. Raw milk contains live bacteria that in some cases could become contaminated with harmful bacteria and therefore put consumers at risk. This should be a no-brainer, right? Of course we should pasteurize milk!
There has been a lot of controversy over the Raw Milk vs Pasteurized Milk debate. However, in order to give a definitive Yes or No to the “safe” question, the context and environmental conditions of the contributing cattle must be included in the conversation.
There is a significant difference between dairies that produce milk intended for pasteurization and dairies that focus on raw milk for consumption.
http://realmilk.com/ Check this out for some solid facts about Raw Milk
Most Americans (myself included) when shopping for food generally go to the store, survey the options, and pick their choice of food based on brand/ price/ convenience ect… without really giving thought to where that product has come from or how it was produced. Just because we want to eat hamburgers doesn’t mean we want to slaughter the cow. Right?
Most conventional dairies house their milk cows in tight quarters or in dirt pens where the opportunity for harmful bacteria to breed and spread does indeed cause a concern for contamination to the milk. Many feed regimens do not include a healthy diet of cow’s normal preference – grass. Instead, many are fed on grain and scraps, including cardboard. (Yes that’s right, CARDBOARD) Since milk from these dairies is INTENDED for pasteurization, many manufacturers don’t bother with cleanliness before the milk is processed, depending on pasteurization to get rid of any contaminates that may have slipped in.
On the other hand, dairies that produce raw milk intended for consumption have a much stricter set of guidelines to follow to maintain cleanliness and optimum nutritional value. Milk from these dairies comes from grass-fed, pastured, cows. Instead of being crammed into pens and fed on scraps, these cows are allowed to graze with appropriate spacing. Under these conditions the rate of disease and contamination drastically drop off.
Since this milk is not altered in any way, the beneficial bacteria and enzymes naturally present in milk remain intact. Raw milk has been linked to resolving intestinal and digestive issues as well as helping diminish allergies. It’s also be linked use with autistic children with good results. Raw milk is also mentioned in the discussion about gestational diabetes (the onset of temporary diabetes in pregnant women). Check out the post here. To find out the many health benefits of Raw Milk look here:
http://www.raw-milk-facts.com/raw_milk_health_benefits.html
It’s also interesting to note that there are medical professionals out there that are coming to the same conclusions. Check out this video.
Pediatrician Validates Raw Milk
Do the research and decide for yourselves. I’ve tried it and have been convinced. I’m happy that there is a dairy Co-Op close by in Cleburne that does milk runs every week. The downside is that it is more expensive- as all things of higher quality usually are. As I have a growing 2 year old, we as a family decided that for us, the extra expense was probably worth it. Check out the Co-OP’s website in Cleburne.
http://www.campbellsclassicdairy.com/index.html
Campbells Classic Dairy
I had the privilege of attending Rebecca’s birth back in November. It was the first birth I had ever attended since becoming involved in childbirth education. Rebecca was a rock star! It really reaffirmed for me the complete normalcy of birth and how beautiful it can be. Rebecca took an 8 week class to prepare for childbirth as well as doing a lot of reading and preparation with her previous doula. (She moved regions just before birth)
When I arrived, I could tell all her reading was to her benefit. All her supplies were neatly stacked and ready for use. She is by nature a spiritual person and was good at tuning into her body’s cues and focusing within. I’m so grateful she was willing to write her story and allow me to post it her. Cora’s was truly a beautiful birth!
Cora’s Birth
November 5th, 2012: I awoke from a very light sleep around 2:30AM to take a familiar midnight bathroom break. Now being 8 days “overdue”, I wondered if this was the real deal, but quickly doubted the possibility. Being a week overdue felt as if the baby would never come.
I noticed the first sign that labor was definitely beginning when I saw a red tint in the toilet. So, this is what early labor feels like. I woke up my mother and told her to stay calm, I’m in labor. She was really excited and suddenly awake and alert. I remember one of the first things she did to prepare for the birth was put the ivy plant by the front door to look pretty. I was running on maybe an hour or two of sleep in the past 24 hours and with my contractions getting stronger, there was no chance I could sleep through them. I waited to call anyone seeing as it was 3AM. My mom had really short labors and advised that I might as well give my birth team a heads up. The surges were inconsistent for the next couple of hours, getting stronger and closer together, then much farther apart. Once my doula arrived very early in the morning, I labored in bed sitting up and laying down. The surges felt nothing like the braxton hicks contractions & weren’t even in that area of my body.
My midwife arrived somewhere around 6 or 7 and determined that I had a ways to go. I used toning to get through each surge and my acupuncturist placed some press seeds on my ears. These helped in the beginning, but once the waves became more intense, my techniques became exhausting. The toning helped me get into my rhythm and the press seeds really opened things up. Anna, my midwife, advised me to save my energy for pushing before she left to go take care of some things until I moved into active labor.
All the while. my birth coach and acting doula, Megan, was attentive to my every need. Bringing me things I was not even thinking of that were such a relief. The most relief during labor was hot packs on my sacrum through surges. Once Anna left, I began deeply breathing through surges to preserve my energy, because I was so exhausted. My birth team was encouraging me to eat for energy, because my last meal was dinner the previous day. I was so nauseated I could not eat.
The surges became more intense, so Megan called Anna to update her on my progress. Anna returned around 9AM and I could really feel my cervix opening with every surge. I remember telling Anna intermittently that I was tired. I was literally trying to sleep in between surges, which were now about 90 seconds apart. Just as I would relax, a stronger wave would sneak up on me, jolting me from my rest. I was getting impatient because I was so incredibly tired, and was scared for how much longer it would be before I gave birth. I doubted if I would be able to have the energy to push. Megan was telling me I was doing great and that I would meet my baby soon.
After a couple hours, I got into the birth pool in the living room after walking around some and sitting slightly reclined in a chair to labor. I tried to squat through a surge, but staying in that position was too much. The warm water was such a relief, the weightless feeling gave me a little boost of energy during the last moments of active labor. My surges got really intense and Megan was attentively waiting behind me to offer support for my back as the waves peaked and fell.
I came to a very serious point where I just couldn’t think or really speak. Megan got into the water with me, so that I could lean all my weight on her through surges and pushing. I was glad the journey was almost over, because all I wanted was sleep. Everyone in the room reassured me that once this baby was born, I would have a burst of energy & forget all about the physical discomfort. I said things like, “Why do people do this?!? Who would do this more than once?? & I just can’t imagine feeling overwhelming joy right now.”
I didn’t really experience the overwhelming urge to push like I had frequently heard about. I just breathed through surges until I felt I could give a little push. After the little test push, the urge really hit & I realized I forgot all about pushing. I was so focused on labor & contractions throughout my pregnancy that I forgot about preparing myself for pushing. I found surges to be pretty bearable, but pushing felt unreal.
Then, I felt the head descend with the first push, I became a little unhinged and screamed. Megan was trying to calm me down, but I was scared because it finally became real that my body was about to do a seemingly illogical task. I was morphing into a human portal.
Once Anna heard me scream, along with the rest of my neighborhood, she hurried to my side. Anna & Megan coached me to tone in deep, low sounds to move my energy down. It really helped me focus my pushes down, and get the most out of every push. Anna used counter pressure to prevent any perineal tearing, and after the head came out, I was worn out. Anna was telling me to push, but I needed to catch my breath for another strong push. I gave a final big push and the rest of the body emerged.
Anna gently brought my baby to the surface where I could receive her at 2:28PM on November 5th, 2012. She was quiet & looking around, only giving a little cry for being cold. I held her & caught my breath, finally feeling rest & relief, before I looked to see the gender. I held her up & said, “it’s a girl.” Anna wanted to move me from the pool to examine things and deliver the placenta out of the water. With Megan’s help, I was able to stand and step out of the pool and onto an area set up on the floor. Once I sat down, she was rooting, so I gave her my nipple and she latched on for her first meal. I only had a very minor tear inside with no harm done to my perineum.
I named her Cora Zana and she was a healthy 8lbs 6oz, 20.5”, with a head circumference of 14”. I still look at her head with disbelief that it came out of my body. The overwhelming joy kept me awake for a while to bond with my baby before we both got some rest. My the birthing journey lasted about 12 hours even, but it is said that I was only in active labor for 5 hours. Time flew by and I would do it all over again for another 12 hours. In fact, I am that much more proud of Cora and myself for having getting through 12 hours of such an intense physical phenomenon.
I am so thankful for my birth team and for being blessed with being able to receive her as I had fantasized about for months!
Seconds After Birth
I’ve had the most amazing experiences in the last week. I was fortunate enough to attend two homebirths. The first one, a water-birth, I won’t go into because I’m hoping to have that strong mama share the experience in her own words here next week. The second one though, with the mama’s permission of course, I’m going to share from my perspective.
With two prior hospital births, both induced, Lucille decided she wanted something different the third time around. She opted for a homebirth with a CPM. (Certified Professional Midwife) Having just moved to the area (literally not even finished unpacking yet) around the time of her due date, she didn’t have a support system other than her husband and acupuncturist friend, Sarah Brock. (wonderful person!) She needed a doula but couldn’t afford one. Enter Megan, stage left! J
I got the call that her water had broken around one in the morning. By 7:15 that evening she felt she was ready for some support and I headed over along with Sarah. When I arrived at 8 I was rather dismayed to find things rather chaotic. Every light in the house was on, including the light in the bedroom where she was trying to rest. It being election night, her husband (who is super nice by the way) was distracted by the minute by minute reports by the media on election progress while also trying to care for their younger children. (both under the age of 4) Poor Lucille hadn’t had hardly anything to eat or drink all day and what she was drinking was carbonated. I could feel her tension across the room as she tried to wrangle her youngest child’s desire for attention while staving off another contraction. Her contractions were inconsistent in length or strength and only coming about every 5-7 minutes. Under such circumstances I doubt my body would have felt free to labor either!
Time to get things squared away. First on the list, getting a bite to eat, then a glass of regular water to drink. Next, assign the kids out of the bedroom. The wonderful Sarah Brock offered to go on kid duty. Finally, we lowered the lights and worked on creating a calm and peaceful atmosphere. It seemed to work. It was good to watch her release some of that anxiety and stress and begin to really focus on her body and let it do its thing. By 9:15, little over an hour after I arrived she was really rocking and rolling along in her labor. The speed at which labor picked up really amazed me. I asked if she’d contacted her midwife as I had a feeling things were progressing quickly.
At 10pm I was unsure if she needed to have a bowel movement since she hadn’t had one all day or if she was feeling pushy. We decided to try the bathroom just to see. Her husband, Marcel, had been with her, comforting her, during what I can look back on in hind-sight and say was transition. (She handled transition so well I didn’t realize she was in it till afterwards!) Between Marcel and I she sat up and then as she went to stand, gave a quick breath and a little shout. “It’s coming!”
I took a quick peek and sure enough, baby is crowning! So yeah…bathroom idea was out. She laid back down immediately, rolling to her side. The midwives, while on the way, haven’t arrived yet. I’m thinking to myself, ‘Here we go! We’re having a baby!’ Three pushes later beautiful baby Lucas arrived in my arms. It was truly a beautiful moment.
For me as a birth educator, the experience was priceless; totally reaffirming for me the normalcy of birth. Women were made perfectly to carry out this divine biological mandate. As a woman I was so honored to be able to be a part of Lucille and Marcel’s precious moment- the moment of their son’s birth.
So, so very often this process gets mechanized by the medical community, or sensationalized into an agonizing melodrama by the media, or mocked and trivialized by Hollywood. -The fact is this, birth- the act of bringing another person into BEING, is a miracle.
Four minutes later the midwives walked in saying “ok! Ready to have a baby?!” We all kind of laughed and were like “Too late!”
I am so very grateful that they arrived when they did though. Lucille ended up hemorrhaging fairly severely. It was to the point that transfer to a hospital was seriously considered. It is a credit to the midwives calm manner and excellent training that she was able to be stabilized and under their competent care she was able to remain at home. Her recovery over the next couple days however, was more difficult due to dehydration and blood loss.
Here’s my beef. In her first two hospital births she was induced and then allowed nothing but ice chips until birth. By following that erroneous mandate for the most part into her homebirth, by the time her baby was born her energy levels were severely depleted leaving her at a higher risk of hemorrhage.
Had she been educated about the birth process would she have made a better effort to keep her energies up? If so, would she have hemorrhaged as badly? Who can say? It is food for thought. Also, this being her third baby, her body clearly knew what to do but due to external circumstances she was not able to relax either physically, mentally, or emotionally, enough to allow her body to work until her surroundings reflected a place conducive to peace and relaxation. Would her labor have been so prolonged, further depleting her energies, if she had been able to relax sooner? Again, who can say but it is a good question to ponder.
My point is this. Lucille had a beautiful baby and ultimately ended up ok due to the good training of her midwives. If she and her husband had been able to take advantage of childbirth education classes to prepare for taking more responsibility for their birth would her labor, birth and immediate after birth period have gone smoother? I believe so, yes.
If anything, this experience reaffirms for me just exactly how important childbirth education is. Can you have a baby without taking a class? Of course! Lucille’s story here proves it! She had a perfectly normal, healthy, robust baby. And she had him at home! The female body was programmed to give birth looooong before there were classes! Can education help smooth out those speed-bumps in the journey before they turn into roadblocks? Absolutely! And not only education for women, but fathers too!
I hate the ‘If I’d only known, I might have done something different.’ feeling. I know I’m not alone when I wish not just for a healthy outcome but for what it can be- an amazing outcome!
Congratulations to Lucille and Marcel on the wonderful birth of their son! Thank you so much for allowing me to bear witness to your special moment and even take an active part in it. I will never forget it!
So I am watching this great new show on PBS. It’s called Call the Midwife. It’s centered around midwives who care for pregnant women in the lower (poor) East End of London in the 1950’s. It’s based on the real life memoirs of Jennifer Worth and the show seems to remain true to the era.
I find this show so fascinating not only for the fabulous characters but also for the portrayal of birth in this era. In America in the 50’s women had already made the transition to the hospital and given themselves over to the technocratic philosophy doctors required. However in Britain where midwives hold a more elevated status, birth is still happening at home.
Although this is a great birth position option, there is no one "proper" position to give birth in.
The mishmash of natural normal birth combined with the “latest technological advances” such as hot water enemas (how awful is that!)and “proper birth positioning” – laying on their side (which is better than in most hospitals today where women have to lay on their backs!) is so interesting to watch. It’s almost like a touchstone to compare birth practices today with. In what areas has birth improved in the modern era versus 60 years ago….and on the flip side what were they doing back then that we should be doing now? Obviously the enemas are out and the pubic shaving, but I love the scene where Trixie (the blonde midwife) is directing her laboring mama to “pant” the baby out instead of bearing down with all her might as is the dialogue we hear in most birth scenes in movies and tv today. ‘Panting’ or ‘breathing’ the baby out is a very real method used by midwives today to help babies come more slowly and thus give mama’s tissues time to stretch and prevent tearing.
A Breech position where baby comes out bottom first
I loved the 2nd episode where a breech birth is not treated as an automatic emergency requiring immediate intervention. In fact an almost ‘hands off’ method is used as the baby’s head is about to deliver. The realistic and tastefully graphic portrayal of birth shows a much more accurate picture then we normally see in the media today. No marathon coaching as the mom screams in mortal agony and the doctor races in to save the day. Yes it shows the pain of labor and in some episodes where intervention may be called for the doctor is summoned. But it also shows the joy and thrill of peacefully bringing a new life into the world. I love the scene in the breech birth where the doctor has been summoned but when he gets there and everything is under control he has the humility to stand back and comment on what a fabulous job the midwife is doing! If only we had a lot more doctors like that now!
Several episodes also deal with the general mentality towards women and birth. So little compassion and empathy are shown by the people who have the power to make a difference in the lives of these women of little circumstance. Postpartum depression is not well understood and women’s rights respecting their own bodies and that of their babies in many cases do not even belong to them. Sadly, this is not a mentality restricted to the 1950’s or the British lower class.
It is my hope that more shows like this one will be made and more conversations started as women look at what has been and what CAN be. The best of the old combined with the best of the new as women begin to question the routines around them and begin to educate themselves. I hope this show gets the publicity it deserves. It is a spectacularly well written, directed, and acted historical drama. So make sure to watch it! It’s on PBS on Sundays at 7pm CST.
My search for a happy birth
As a kid I was not one of those people who was overly interested in babies or how they got here. I do remember hearing the stories of my mother’s traumatic experiences with birth. Even with some education, the treatment and lack of empathy and respect she received at the hands of the typical medical community instilled within me a profound unease about pregnancy, birth, and the medical system. Combine that with a deep irrational fear of needles; (I’ve been known to pass out more than once) I couldn’t stand the thought of being trapped by doctors in a bed with a gianormous needle stuck in my back. The epidural was just as scary to me as actually pushing a baby out.
But what other options did I have? My solution at the time (before I met and 
married my husband) was to just never have children. After marriage, however, starting a family began to look like a good idea. Then I started telling my family often (and usually loudly) that I would have a baby when they made the epidural in a pill form. My family just rolled their eyes and said “Sure, Megan. Whatever, you’ll do like everyone else. You’ll get through it.” I don’t think they really realized the depth of my mistrust of the system or the very real fear of the needles that accompany it.
Throughout all of this, natural birth never even entered my radar. Why would it? I was trying to AVOID pain. I’d seen the movies, heard the stories, labor HURT! Why would I choose to feel pain when stubbing my toe made me cry like a baby? I didn’t know anyone who had had a natural birth and they only two stories I’d heard about midwives ended very badly.
Thus it was with trepidation that I began to think about my options when I became pregnant. I started out with a typical OB. This being my first baby, I didn’t know what questions to ask to find someone with compatible viewpoints as my own on birth. I didn’t even really know my OWN viewpoints on labor! I as completely uneducated and had no idea what to expect. I did know that even more than the epidural, having a C-section scared me. However, I when I asked the OB what her C-section rate was and what would make it necessary, I was not reassured by the noncommittal shrug she gave me as she waved away my question with a “I do them when necessary. I think my rate’s somewhere around 30%…..” I didn’t know which was worse, the fact that she didn’t seem concerned about it or the fact that apparently 1 in 3 women had to have a “necessary” C-section.
I decided to look around for a different doctor. I also decided that I was NOT prepared for this and needed some education. I looked around and found a 12 week course in Mansfield that concentrated on natural childbirth. As I wasn’t thrilled about any of my other options, I decided to give it a shot. If anything, hopefully I would learn some breathing techniques right?
My husband, in typical guy fashion, was not excited about spending 2 hours once a week for the next 12 weeks learning about birth. That was a little excessive right? It’s not like HE was giving birth. He was fine with me going but did he really have to come? And the class is kind of expensive. “Can’t we just read a book or something?”
I made it clear that I was scared and really needed his support and help to prepare for this baby. So he graciously acceded to my wishes. Class one really turned his mind around. Learning the history of birth in the USA, of the awful conditions women were subjected to; how the lack of respect and dignity for a laboring women affected so many births; how it’s STILL GOING ON TODAY, really opened both our eyes. From that first class on, we were both committed to learning as much as possible.
My own birth story has already been posted so I won’t dwell on that here. What I do want to spend some time on is how important educating myself and my husband was to having a positive birth experience. Education is not just learning how to breathe in labor or teaching yourself distractions from pain.
Education is knowledge of what’s going on inside your body. It is recognizing how emotional factors such as personal fears, trauma histories, lack of support from close ones and/or staff, can affect ones labor. It is learning that some pain in labor actually has a purpose while too much pain may indicate a true medical issue. It is learning that PAIN DOES NOT EQUAL SUFFERING. It is learning that there are tried and true coping mechanisms that do not involve strapping oneself to a bed hooked to tubes and needles as if combating an illness. It is learning that many medical routines are unnecessary and sometimes cause more harm than help. It is learning that there is a difference between informed consent and informed refusal. It is also learning that sometimes medical intervention IS needed and that one must have a good relationship of respect and trust with one’s care provider to make that call if the time comes.
Education is taking responsibility for your birth. It is YOUR body. Not your partners’, not your doctors’, not your mothers’. How can one make an informed decision if they are not INFORMED! Don’t become a bystander in your own birth experience. Educate yourself. It is you and your baby’s surest protection for a positive experience.
If you don’t know your options, you don’t have any. ~ Diana Korte
Sweet baby Ivy
I remember quite vividly the Tuesday evening I attended my last childbirth class with my husband, I was 38 weeks pregnant with my first child, and desperately over the “I love being pregnant” stage. We had been preparing for weeks by then and I was amped up on excitement, nerves, and yes a little bit of fear. We had gone over all the ways to limit and forestall unnecessary interventions in class- including limiting vaginal exams in late pregnancy. But that day, right before class, when the midwife at the hospital asked me if I wanted a pelvic exam to see if anything had started yet…curiosity got the better of me. I said yes – telling myself the whole time that I wouldn’t let myself get worked up if anything HAD changed. O had learned that it is common for women to walk around for days, even weeks, slightly dilated or effaced. I would not get excited. I would NOT get excited. I WOULD NOT get excited. I WOULD NOT GET EXCITED!
The midwife checked me and calmly announced that yes I was about 80% effaced and about 2 cm dilated. My heart SOARED! I remember how I couldn’t keep the excitement out of my voice as I announced the news at my birth class that night. My conscience twinged just a bit as I saw the carefully (or so she thought J) guarded combination of dismay and resignation cross my instructors face…. As well it should have.
Such a Strong Girl!
2 ½ weeks and many needless details later, I was still pregnant and woefully disgruntled about that fact. I wanted to see my baby! I had tried everything under the sun to start active labor as I had been contracting steadily for about two weeks with very little change. I had made it to 4cm but she still wouldn’t come! I was tired, demoralized, and ruefully thinking that Donna was right – I should have never accepted the pelvic. My excitement just turned to frustration over time as I put more pressure on myself to have this baby sooner rather than later. I would have been much happier being blissfully unaware and letting her come in her own time.
So on a Friday afternoon, while I ‘m moaning about being pregnant forever, my chiropractor suggested I come down to the Edenway Birth Center to check baby’s position. Sure enough, her head was asynclitic –cocked off to the side; thus preventing her from exerting even pressure on my cervix. What came next is no less amazing as it is hilarious. In a series of maneuvers, including laying upside down on a couch, and kneeling on the floor with my head on the ground and butt in the air, the midwives would position a flat bed-sheet winder me and “shimmy” me vigorously. Then the chiropractor would adjust me and exert a slight pressure on my abdomen to encourage the baby to settle into a better position. While it didn’t hurt at all, getting into the various positions was laborious and uncomfortable in such a pregnant state. If I hadn’t been so uncomfortable I would have laughed at how comical the whole situation was. My husband certainly did.
Low and behold! It worked! She settled down well and in a matter of minutes I went from a 4cm to a 5 cm! Huzzah! I felt my first really good working contraction and we decided to celebrate. Cody and I decided to get our second favorite enchiladas (if I threw up in labor I didn’t want to be turned off my very favorite enchiladas ) to keep up my strength for the coming labor.
Daddy's Little Girl
By 9pm my contractions were steady in coming and moderate in intensity (or so I thought) but not getting any worse or closer together. I had been convinced by familial pressure that it was time to go to the hospital, so despite what I learned in class about determining when to leave, off to the hospital we went. As soon as we got checked in, my contractions all but stopped. I was still having “contractions” but they were more like Braxton Hicks again. Also the one room with a working bathtub was already taken. I could have cried. I just wanted it to be over now and to have my baby. Since I was already admitted, we decided to stay. We walked the halls of labor and delivery for hours trying to stimulate contractions.
Fast forward to 11am the next morning. I had managed about a 3 hour nap (not realizing that it would be the best sleep I would get for many months afterwards) and had decided to try going to the bathroom. I felt perhaps my fear of pooping during delivery was holding me up. Acknowledging that fear helped me to put it in its place and with that I was about to get some physical relief.
I had also agonized over breaking water since the arrival at the hospital. I did NOT want to be put on a clock. After having a successful potty break though I just felt a certainty that it would be ok. She would come. I had come to a decision and yes we were going to break water. It’s a credit to the midwives at the hospital that they did not pressure me into a decision. I take full responsibility for my decision to break water. I needn’t have worried about being on a clock however. Within two minutes of breaking water, I hit intense active labor running. Within an hour I had moved to the bathtub. (We were able to switch during the night) The blessed aquadural!!! I labored there for 3 more hours. It was incredibly intense. Cody, thankfully, was by my side the entire time. Without his strength and presence I’m sure I would have crumbled under the sudden onslaught of sensation. After almost 4 hours of intense labor and about 20 minutes of pushing, my sweet little Ivy made her entrance into the world.
My Sweet Angel
I did it! I was on top of the world! My body had grown and then pushed out a 7lb 2 oz. perfect baby girl! It was power like nothing I’d never known.
They say hind-sight is 20/20. And yes, if I could go back, I would change some things. Starting, I would have actually listened to my childbirth teacher and skipped that first pelvic, thus saving myself weeks of waiting agony. I would have trusted my body and my gut more and labored at home in comfort and familiar surroundings. I would have rested more instead of trying to force my body to perform on a timeline.
The one thing I do not regret at all though is the decision to have a natural, un-medicated, birth. Not only did I learn something about myself and how strong I could be; the process of preparing for and then putting into action our education served to draw Cody and I closer as a couple.
Every birth and every labor is different and honestly I don’t regret having a difficult labor. It is my hope that through my experience another couple may learn and be inspired. A difficult labor does not mean an impossible one. And above all, it was SO WORTH IT!
Our Family
I make this for dinner all the time as it’s one of the easiest things to put together. It’s high protein and filling and most important yummy!
Chicken and Rice Casserole
Ingredients:
2 C Brown Rice
1 can Cream of Mushroom
4 small chicken breast or 8 tenders
Water
Preparation:
Set oven to 350°.
In 9×13 baking pan add rice, cream of mushroom, and water to cover to ½ – ¾ inches. Mix well. Press chicken into liquid and rice. If using breasts, water should almost cover chicken. Cover pan with tin foil and bake. If chicken is thawed bake for 1 hour 20 minutes. For frozen chicken add an additional 15 minutes. Let cool for 5 minutes to set casserole.
As an option throw in some chopped broccoli to mix it up a little!